Quotes

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The Spotlight is now on BRITT!

Quotes

Oh my word, you people say some strange things...

Funniest Quotes/Convos:

(Biology class)

(After a while...I've just learned to tell Dan Rhodes to shut up)

Dian: There was the snowball theory of evolution
Andrew: She made that up
Me:I think and Dian went on a trip and made that one up (pretends to be on drugs) Dude...we all came from a...snowball
Dan: I was not created from some snowball! I was not some frozen chicken!!!I was not a TV dinner! I WAS NOT MICROWAVED!

Dan: Relax! I'm evolving. ::holds eyes shut, clenches fists, and looks constipated::

Dan: Man...I wish I had a tale (looks at butt) I could like swish, swish and whack people with it

Marty: Well, with LaMark's theory, we'de be born without arms eventually
Dan: TORSO BOY!!!
Dan: (starts singing) Torso boy he rolls around, like an egg, 'cause he's got no legs!

Teacher: Th people that win the nobel prize arn't usually the best students in school
Me: LIKE ME!!! I'm gonna be famous.
Dan: If Britt gets famous and wins the nobel prize, I'm gonna go live in a hole

Dan: I wish I had a monkey. I'de come home after a long day of school and be like "Ey monkey!" and he's be like "UH-OOH!"

Dan-My dinosaur is BETTER! It ate salad and didn't get cancer"

Russell-SHH!!! I'M TRYING TO LEARN!

Dan-I GOT A PAPER ABRATION! I'M LOOSING BLOOD QUICKLY! I'M GONNA DIE!
Russell-(mocking Dan)-WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I DO?! WHAT DO I DO?!

Dan-I'm changing my name to....Flavio!

Dan-If I were a frickn lion, and I had to mate with a cat--I'd eat it.

John-Gonnorhea, it's nothing to 'clap' about, so warn ALL of your sexual partners.

Dan-Hey Britt, I know how to make raisins
Me-SHUT UP DAN
Dan-If raisins go stale did you know you can microave them, didja know that?!
Me-SHUT UP DAN!!!

(The day I wore a zipper down shirt with a sports bra under it)
Dan-Britt! What if someone says "Oh I like zippers! Britt's got a zipper!" And he UNZIPS you and everyone sees your sports bra!
Me-Dan, it's not going to happen.
Dan-Well, I'M just waiting for your zipper to be unzipped...HEY! JERVIS likes zippers!
Me-SHUT UP DAN

Dan-See that line?! SEE THAT LINE?!?! It's a line.

Teacher-Paramiciums resemble penuts-
Dan-or raisins
Me-SHUT UP DAN

(Discussing a certain boy in biology class)
Dan-I bet he's not as cool as Larry the Protist
Russell-Or Sammy The Super Sperm
Me-Ok, well MAYBE he's not as cool as Sammy, but he's DEFFINENTLY cooler that Larry the Protist
Dan-No he's not!
Me-Does Larry have a car?
Dan(in a matter-o-factly tone of voice)-He dosn't NEED a car--He's got a flaggelum!
Me-Shut up Dan

Dan-BRITT STOP MOLLESTING JERVIS!

Dan-"You know what's interresting? Raisins. If you microwave them--"
Me-SHUT UP DAN!!!

Dan-Zoo-mast-igina, they're my FAVORITE organisms. They can reproduce sexually or asexually. I wish I could reproduce asexually, so I could bud myself!

Dan-If I was a dinosaur, I'd want to be called Sporozoa!
Me-Shut up Dan.

Teacher-Sporozoas can make you sick.
Dan-Russell, you must be a sporozoa, because you make me sick.
Russell-Thank you Dan

Dan-Britt! did you know that slugs are retarted snails?!
Me-Shut up Dan.

Dan-The world of cells--Is a dangerous place.

Quotes from friends(and some from myself):

Kjell-Did you randomly die?

Zoe-"Protect you childs enlarged Spleen"

Me-I have this increadible URGE to run around my house naked with a towel on my head singing "my girl" into a hairbrush

Jesse, Matt, & Jason- YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO NUDE!!!

Marty-I have no self esteem...I'm gonna go cry now

2-year-old -that-I-babysit-for- I thank God for Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, and Penut Butter

Laura- I don't get as twisted by guitar players and drummers as much as I used to
Me- TWISTED?!

Me: LEMME C!
Mati: haha
Mati: its all in NORWAYAN
Me TRANSLATE

Mati: he reminds me of a grl

Mati: and he called me PERFECT
Mati: (as if)

(on fone with zo)
Zoe-Hold on a sec-let me wipe
Me-WHAT?!
Zoe-did I just say that?

Mati: god.. make the blondness stop

Mati: theyre swedish
Me: damn sweeds
Mati: yeah, da norwayans are kinda ugly

(This one crackes Russell up)
(Keep in mind that it was "yo momma day")
Big White Kid-(talking to his friend)Yo man, you got a spider on yo back
Me-(to big white kid)YO MOMMA got a spider on her back
Big White Kid-(looks offended then says) Yeah well my momma was on yo momma wit a spider on her back
Me-(Blank Look) You killed it (walks away)
Big White Kid-(looks stunned as if that's the 1st time anyone has ever dared to talk back to him)

Ali: We spoon EVERYNIGHT

7-year-old-boy-named-Josh:(goes up to us as we're playing spoons): Are you guys playing strip poker?

7-year-old-boy-named-Josh: Did someone punch you in the face, or are you wearing too much eyeliner. You're gothic

Mac-The fastest way to my heart---is with a knife

(Phil and I brutally butchering Shakespere)

Me: ah philip
Phil: ah yes ah rome
Me: howst art thou?
Phil: mineownself is randy at thispresent hour
Me: tis a pitty that thou art so randy, yet truth, thou hast no onest to foolith around with
Me: or doth thou?
Phil: i hath not such a being
Me: alas sweet phil, i have courage in thee
Me: go out, yon horny knave, and doith now some unspeakable acts
Phil: alas, i shall bangst all that moveth
Me: HOOSAH!
Me: I cry unto the! Thoust art my hero!
Me: Cry HAVOC! And let slip the dog of phil!
Phil: cry havoc and let slip the johnson unto where it belongs
Me: have though quenched thy thirst of lust?
Phil: aye, thy turtle hast also
Me: lol

Zoe: (Talking to Torrey about haircuts) You should go to Al. Al does ANYTHING you want for $9.

Me: (coloring Torrey's notebook) There! I camoflaged your stars!

Torey: (rolls his eyes) Wouldn't want the comunists to find them.

Zoe: Torrey has oppinions...he just chooses to express them in a sarcastic, rude way.

Quotes from improv:

Me-This is like planet of the apes!

Phil- No...we have sharks

Phil- Joe has millions of dollars. He has to pick one out of these 30 girls to marry. What they don't know is that he has millions of dollars. What HE doesn't know is that they each have thousands of dollars. What THEY don't know is that he is a serial killer and a rapeist. What HE dosn't know is that THEY each carry a knife with them. WHAT THEY ALL DON'T KNOW is that THER'S A BOMB and it's activated when ANY of the girls unsheath ther knives!

Me-What about that time in mexico?

Jason-I think latex gloves would come in handy here.

Me- BUT I STUFFED! I stuffed and I stuffed, but it JUST WOULDN'T fit!

Me- So, W, In what way are you so huge (realises what I just said) OH! I didn't mean it like THAT!!!

Trexler-Yeah, well i baked you a colon shaped loaf of bread

W-That's disgusting

Trexler- Yes, but it tastes so good

Some of these, you just had to BE THERE for.